Starlight
by Parnopius
Summary: Songfic oneshot albeit a very long one from Sirius Black's point of view. Ties in with Fire Burns & Fallen Angel. Starts in Marauder fifth year, ends at OotP. Prominent OC.


**Disclaimer:** Lyrics in bold belong to Muse and their song 'Starlight'. Lyrics in italics belong to Don Mclean and are taken from the song 'American Pie'. Harry Potter & associated characters belong to JK Rowling. This fic belongs to me. :)

**A/N:** This is songfic/one shot (albeit a very long one) from Sirius Black's point of view. Ties in with Fire Burns & Fallen Angel. Starts in Marauder fifth year, ends at OotP. Prominent OC.

_For Nys_

**Starlight**

_**Far away, this ship has taken me far away**_

He leaves his cloak in the hall, throwing it over that awful troll foot umbrella stand and starts dragging his trunk up the stairs to his room. He could leave it to Kreacher, but he doesn't trust that elf and the things he keeps in there are private.

He can all too well imagine his mother's face if she were to find the advanced transfiguration books he's left in there – and he can't afford to have her find out he's an animagus – much less an unregistered one. She'd probably be proud – probably tell everyone how clever her son was and how useful he was going to be to this Dark Lord that everyone was talking about. She wouldn't understand – wouldn't want to know why he'd done it – wouldn't care.

It was hard enough persuading Dumbledore not to tell her about the Snape incident two weeks ago. She would probably have thrown him a party – pleased that her son was showing some ruthlessness for once. She'd see the real Black character finally coming out instead of some stupid prank that had gone horribly wrong. He sighs, wincing at the memory. He wonders if Moony will ever forgive him.

He pulls the trunk up the final flight of stairs and almost drops it back down again when he trips over another chest sitting at the top. He swears, just managing to grab the handle of his own trunk and twists round to yell at his brother only to meet a girl's face looking back at him from an open doorway.

"You?" he asks, staring at her.

"No, you're hallucinating," she answers sarcastically, coming out into the hallway and tugging his brother's trunk out of the way. "Need some help?"

"From an hallucination?"

"The mind is very powerful thing."

"No thanks. I've got it covered," he mutters, pulling his trunk up and setting it down in the hall. She looks at him for a moment, then shrugs and goes back into her room. He frowns, then climbs over his trunk and sticks his head around the door. "Are you staying here?"

"Regulus invited me," she answers, glancing back at him. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you stayed at school during the holidays."

"Mother asked me back," he says, frowning deeply, not caring to add that he also can't look his friends in the eyes right now. "How does Reg know you?"

"We're in the same House," she says, sitting on the bed and giving him a look that tells him she's unimpressed with his lack of perception. "Where have you been for the past three years?"

"Are you two-? Why did he invite you?"

"Because I felt like it," says a cheerful voice in his ear and he jumps. "Evening brother," Regulus grins, ignoring the scowl he's being giving.

"Why did you leave your trunk at the top of the stairs?" he demands, glaring at his younger brother.

"I didn't – Kreacher must have," Regulus shrugs, glancing at the girl in the room. "Do you know about House Elves?"

"Yes, they've got them in the kitchens at school," she says absently, and Sirius stares at her. How does she know about the kitchens? Apparently the very same question is on Regulus' mind because he's gaping at her.

"You've found the kitchens?"

She nods, smiling slightly. "Yeah, and there's no way in hell I'm telling you where they are. I'm sworn to secrecy."

"By who?" demands Regulus, looking put out by this.

"That's strictly confidential information," she says loftily, getting up and walking over to the door. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get changed for dinner." And with that she shuts the door firmly in their faces and a moment later they hear the lock click. Regulus sighs, looking at the closed door for a moment, then grabs the handle of his trunk and starts dragging it down the hall. Sirius hesitates for a moment, then picks up the other end. Regulus glances at him in surprise, and for a moment looks as though he's going to say something, but then he shuts his mouth and just gives him a small smile instead. They drop the trunk in his room and after a slight pause, Sirius asks:

"Why'd you invite her?" Regulus, halfway through opening his trunk, glances up at him.

"She needed somewhere to stay." Sirius arches an eyebrow.

"And school wasn't good enough?"

"She's coming to Bella's Easter Ball," he shrugs. "And I'm the only other one she knows who's going, so I offered."

"Because you two are such good friends?" Regulus looks at him for a moment, then shakes his head.

"It's not a big deal, Sirius."

"But she hangs around with Snape. You shouldn't be-" he stops, because Regulus is looking over his shoulder, and he turns to see her standing in the doorway. She looks amused.

"Actually, it's more a case of Severus hanging around with me," she says lightly. "And that's only really since last year. Then again, I suppose because I don't try to kill him, I must be bad." She's still smiling, and he knows the jibe was too subtle for Regulus to pick up, but now he can see the anger in her eyes.

She knows.

But how much does she know? Snape couldn't have told her, could he? Dumbledore made him swear to not reveal Remus' secret. Snape would listen to Dumbledore, he's sure of that. Maybe he just told her that he was nearly killed – but then why would she be angry at him. Maybe he just made up some other story.

Whatever it is, he needs to tell Remus. Whatever Moony thinks of him right now, he has to know that Snape's told at least one person _something_ about that night. So he makes his excuses, disappears into his room, locks his door and writes to Moony. Then he writes to Prongs, because he's staying at school too and he's not entirely sure that Moony won't just throw his letter into the fire when he sees who it's from.

He sends the letters off with Delos, the family raven, and starts on his homework. At least when he's writing essays he can forget. Forget that his best friends aren't talking to him, that he's stuck in a house that he hates, that he has to attend Bella's Easter party and that he nearly got his best friend sent to Azkaban.

_**Far away from the memories**_

_**Of the people who care if I live or die**_

It's the afternoon before Bella's big party, and he's got nothing to do. He finished his homework two days ago and he just can't bring himself to revise for his OWL's. Regulus has vanished off the face of the earth for a couple of hours, or at least no one seems to know where he is, so he's left to try and find some amusement in this dark house.

His wanderings bring him to the library and he thinks a book might relieve the boredom so he goes in, stopping when he catches sight of the room's other occupant. She looks up, blue eyes studying him for a second, then returns to her book, ignoring him completely. He hesitates, then shuts the door behind him, scanning the shelves for a book he hasn't read, because no Slytherin is going to stop him doing something – this is his house after all.

He finds a book on Transfiguration and Animagi and decides it might be worth a read, even if he's pretty sure he knows most of what there is to know about them anyway, and is about to return to his room when a voice calls him back. He turns, arching an inquiring eyebrow at the girl lounging in the antique chair his father brought back from Peru, and she waves an envelope at him.

"This came for you this morning," she says, holding it out for him. He frowns, crossing the room to take it from her.

"And you have it because..?"

"I had one too - they came from school and the owl delivered them both to me," she answers, opening her book again and resuming her reading.

"One of your friends used the same owl as one of mine?" he asks, his voice heavy with scepticism. She shrugs, turning a page and seeming not to deem it necessary to give him an actual verbal reply. He stares at her for a while, but she's engrossed in her book now and it's not as though he has any particular desire to continue the conversation, so he exits the library and goes back to his room.

In the corridor, he meets Regulus, who grins when asks where he's been hiding, taps his nose to indicate that it's a secret and tells him a letter came for him at breakfast. Sirius nods, holding it up and Regulus asks who it's from. Sirius glances at the envelope and says Remus – he'd recognise that careful handwriting anywhere. Regulus looks surprised, and asks if he's sure. Sirius gives him an odd look and asks why all the questions.

"Because she threw hers in the fire," his brother answers, and Sirius can tell he isn't joking. "I thought it might have been a prank card or something."

Sirius glances back towards the closed library door, frowning deeply. So two letters arrived together with the same owl, so what? It didn't mean they have to be from the same person, did it? Remus wouldn't write to her, would he? Maybe he'd told Dumbledore she knew and the headmaster had written to her to ask her not to spread Remus' secret around. But if the letter was from the headmaster, why on earth had she burnt it?

"What did it say?" he asks, trying to sound nonchalant. "Did she tell you?"

Regulus gives him an odd look. "Sirius, she burnt it, she didn't open it. Anyway, have to go. Got work to do."

Sirius nods vaguely and heads back into his room, so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he doesn't even notice that it's the front door that closes a minute later, not the library's. He sits on his bed, and tears open the envelope, surprised to find two letters falling into his lap. One is for him, and one is addressed to her.

He frowns and reads Remus' letter to him quickly. It doesn't say much, just that it's ok and could he please give the other letter to her and make sure she reads it, because he has a feeling she won't have read the other one. Sirius sighs, looking at the last sentence.

_I'll explain back at school._

Well at least that means he'll have to talk to him.

He pauses, wondering whether it's worth risking casting a spell and then he glances back at Remus' letter and decides it is – he wants her to read it. The Ministry won't be able to tell it's him and with all the charms his father's put on the house, they probably won't detect it anyway, so he puts the charm on letter and takes it back to the library, dropping it into her lap. She looks at the envelope and then up at him.

"It's from Remus," he says, noticing for the first time which book she's reading. He almost arches an eyebrow – he thought the inspectors had taken that away last time they'd searched the house. It was banned in Europe, they'd said.

"I can see that," she replies. When he doesn't leave, she looks politely at him. "Was there something else?"

"He wants you to read it."

"Evidently. Else he wouldn't have written it."

"I'm not leaving till you do."

In answer she picks the letter up and sets it alight with the tip of her wand.

She looks slightly miffed when it doesn't burn, then she looks accusingly up at him. He smiles.

"He _really_ wants you to read it."

She looks suspiciously at him, and he can tell that she knows he was the one who put the flame-retardant spell on the letter, not Remus, but she doesn't say so and he's not about to volunteer the information. He watches as she slits the envelope open and skim reads the letter, an impassive expression on her face, confused by the small voice at the back of his mind saying that if she knows Remus wouldn't put a charm on the letter, it must mean she knows him well enough to know he wants people to do things out of choice, not obligation.

She finishes it and smiles sourly at him. "Happy?"

"Exceedingly," he replies in as mocking a voice as he can manage.

"Good." She holds the letter in her hand and waves her wand over it. The ends fold over and change, and a moment later, there's a small goldfish wriggling on the palm of her hand. She looks at it for a moment, then tosses it, still struggling for air, into the wastepaper basket next to her chair.

He stares at her in disbelief for a moment and she looks up to meet his gaze. "Yes?"

"Nothing," he mutters, turning on his heel and walking out of the library, trying to fight the urge to run; for some reason his subconscious doesn't like the idea of exposing his back to her. He reaches his room and locks his door, not quite sure why he does it, knowing only that it makes him feel better.

He looks at Remus' letter again, wondering quite how he intends to explain. How can Remus, one of the kindest and gentlest people he knows be connected with that girl back in the library. Why is he writing to her? He wonders vaguely whether he should have read her letter, but deep down he knows he couldn't have. Remus trusted him not to and he can't afford to upset him, not now. So he contents himself with theorising and writes to Andromeda. She's been called back for the holidays too, and he knows she must be going mad being cooped up with her family. He knows he is.

_**Starlight, I will be chasing a starlight**_

_**Until the end of my life**_

He doesn't see much of her over the next year or so, and doesn't feel the need to remedy this. Remus' explanation had been that he'd known her since she was five years old and he hadn't been inclined to throw away half a decade of friendship just because she'd been sorted into Slytherin.

When asked about the letters, he'd only said that she'd been avoiding him since Christmas and he'd wanted to know what was wrong. James had said she'd tell him in her own time and Remus had smiled faintly and muttered perhaps, and that had been it.

Since then, he's seen them together a few times, so he guesses they must have worked things out. He's never found out why she burnt Remus' letters, or what it was that had caused her to avoid him for the better part of a year, but this is mainly because he's had better sense than to ask. It isn't as though they'll ever have reason to meet, after all. He doesn't need to know anything about her – that's Remus concern.

But now she's standing in the doorway of their train compartment, looking at him with those unearthly blue eyes and he can't help noticing that she's changed a lot over the past year, can't help noticing she's actually rather intelligent, can't help noticing she's absolutely gorgeous.

And yet she's sticking up for Snape and despite what Remus has said about her, little though it is, he still can't shake the feeling that there's something not quite right about that smile and that those eyes, captivating as they might be, aren't the eyes of a normal, well adjusted seventeen year old.

She's hiding something.

And he's slightly disconcerted to find that he wants to know what it is.

_**I don't know if it's worth it anymore**_

It's the evening of the Halloween Ball and Rose's been missing for about ten minutes; the last he saw of her, she was being whisked away onto the dance floor by some Ravenclaw boy. He can't blame him; he knows she's pretty, that's why he's going out with her.

Still, he's content to wait for her – he knows she'll be back, after all, she agreed to come with him for exactly the same reason he asked her. But then _she_ appears, grinning to herself at some private joke and suddenly he's making conversation without quite knowing why. He can count on one hand the number of times he's spoken to her in the past six years and yet...

"Severus abandoned you?"

She looks up, surprise in her blue eyes, and then she grins again.

"Fiona's dancing with him."

"Then he won't mind if I take the opportunity to ask you to dance?"

She laughs, arching one eyebrow. "I very much doubt that."

He spins some line about it being Halloween and says she can blame it on evil spirits and to his surprise she agrees, so he takes her hand and leads her onto the dance floor.

She laughs at the stares they're both attracting and insults him when he flatters her and yet he still can't take his eyes off her. Maybe her sheer recklessness is what he finds so attractive about her, because beauty isn't everything, although she is stunning, or maybe it's that laugh and the mystery behind that front she's putting on, but deep down he knows that it's probably more to do with the fact that she doesn't seem to give a toss whether he likes her or not. That's never happened before; not with girls he's liked, anyway.

And then the dance ends and she grins and tells him he said just one dance and slips away through the crowd. He looks after her for a moment, but then Rose appears at his side and he drapes his arm around her shoulders and smiles charmingly at her, and spends the rest of the dance trying not to compare those baby blue eyes with a certain pair of sapphire ones.

_**Hold you in my arms**_

He didn't mean to start the fight.

He was just looking out for his brother.

It wasn't his fault; it's not like he asked Snivellus to get involved.

He sighs, turning over in his bed and listens to the quiet in the Hospital Wing.

The not _quite_ quiet.

He sits up carefully, trying to discern the voices that are talking quietly.

_"...but she's hurt."_

He frowns, trying to place that voice.

_"All the more reason to let her get some rest."_

Madam Pomfrey, definitely.

_"We can't just-"_

He frowns; he knows _that_ voice well enough.

_"Enough, Mr Black. What were you doing out of your dormitory at this time of night anyway?"_

Silence.

_"I'm staying."_

And that one. He certainly knows that one.

A pause.

_"All right, since I was keeping you in for observation anyway, you can stay, but you two – out. Now."_

Sirius gets up, being careful to be as quiet as possible and peers out between the curtains around his bed just in time to see his brother and a blond Slytherin boy disappearing through the door, looking worriedly back at a bed on the other side of the room.

He hears Madam Pomfrey bustle off to her office and slips out to investigate.

He's forgotten about Snape.

"What are you doing here?" the black haired boy asks, looking up abruptly from the white figure on the bed.

He ignores the look of fury in Snape's eyes and asks what happened to her, because it is her, and he never thought he'd be this afraid for any Slytherin other than his brother. For Godric's sake, he's only just met her, only just danced with her...

Snape tells him it's not his business and although he's inclined to agree, he can't help asking if she's ok. Snape sneers at him in the way that only he can, and asks why he want to know. Guilty conscience?

Sirius says no, even though there's a voice in the back of his mind saying yes. He asked her to dance, and now she's lying almost dead on a bed in the Hospital Wing.

He should have warned her he'd been disowned.

He shouldn't have asked in the first place.

He makes excuses, saying he's only enquiring on Remus' behalf and then Snape insults Remus and he glares at him, trying to ignore the second little voice whispering that that was his fault too. Snape wouldn't know about Remus if it wasn't for him.

But anger is far more powerful than guilt, and he's just started to retaliate when Madam Pomfrey interrupts, and gives him a reproving look for being out of bed. He asks about _her_ and Madam Pomfrey gives an ambiguous answer which only serves to worry him more, but he goes back to bed without a fuss and lies up half the night, praying that she'll be all right.

He doesn't know how he's going to break this to Remus.

_**I just wanted to hold you in my arms**_

He doesn't see her much for the next few months, except for classes and odd run ins in the corridors, but it doesn't matter because she's ok and the fact that she's not hexed him any more than usual goes a little way towards persuading him that it wasn't his fault she nearly died.

And then, at the start of the Christmas holidays, he finds himself alone with her again, walking back from Hogsmeade station. They talk and he finds out she knows he left home and is surprised and secretly pleased that she hasn't told anyone, because if she's keeping quiet, it means she doesn't hate him.

He doesn't want her to hate him.

So he says he'll see her at dinner, and then goes up to the Common Room and floos to James' house, and tries not to feel guilty about lying, because he knows she won't care anyway.

_**My life, you electrify my life**_

A few days into the holidays he goes to Diagon Alley with James and ends up talking to Lily when James is being measured for new robes. She asks if she can wait for James with him and he agrees, but then the screaming starts and they run from the black hooded figures that have just apparated into the middle of the street during one the busiest times of year.

He tries to get Lily to safety because Prongs would never forgive him if anything happened to her, but turning into the nearest side street turns out to be a mistake when they run straight into the back up and he recognises Bella's voice coming from under that faceless white mask.

The Aurors arrive, but it's too late because Bella's already grabbed Lily and a moment later another Death Eater's got hold of him and suddenly he's not in Diagon Alley any more and everything's moving too fast for him to catch up.

There's more Death Eaters here and another woman who isn't Bella, and he's _sure_ he knows her voice but he can't place it for the life of him. She talks to him and he still doesn't recognise it, but now that doesn't matter because it's not half so interesting as what she's just said. _I would have left long before you did._

Bella calls the woman _demon child_ and if he'd hadn't still be reeling from her comment, it would have registered that this means she's still young, probably still at school, but he doesn't realise and while the masked figures talk, he gets Lily to undo the ropes he's been bound with and just as she finishes, Bella challenges him to a duel, which is a mistake because he manages to grab his wand with a little help from the mysterious girl and the arrival of the Aurors gives him a chance to make a run for it with Lily.

They dash through seemingly endless corridors of locked doors and he realises Bella wasn't joking when she said the place was a maze, but then a voice calls out to them and he looks worriedly at Lily because he knows that voice from his mother's many parties– it's Lucius Malfoy and he _hates_ muggleborns. But they've got no choice, so grasping their wands firmly, they step out to face him.

Only there's no one to face, and the only sound he can hear is a growling, like he's heard Moony do so many times at night in the Forbidden Forest when something dangerous is approaching, and then there's a scream and a thud. Lily grabs his arm as something howls, and the sound of retreating footfalls reaches his ears.

Lily asks what it was, but he only shrugs because he hasn't got a clue, and looking into the next corridor doesn't reveal anything because it's just like all the others – empty.

And then a voice from behind him makes him jump and he whirls around to see a black haired girl with impossibly blue eyes smiling lazily at him. Lily asks her what she's doing there and she says something about a portkey but this is such an unlikely circumstance that he's not willing to trust his eyes, so he quizzes her on Remus to make sure it's really her, and is content to be relieved when it is.

He's so relieved in fact, that he doesn't even think to ask how she knows the way out and even though one of the Aurors accuses her of being a Death Eater it barely registers, partly because the other Auror rubbishes the idea but mainly because he knows Moony wouldn't be friends with a Death Eater.

_**Let's conspire to ignite**_

_**All the souls that would die just to feel alive**_

He's standing on top of the Astronomy Tower, gazing up at the clear night sky above him, and trying to work out why, after five years of Astronomy lessons, he still can't find the star he was named after, when the door behind him opens and he looks round to see _her _standing there, managing to look good even though its gone midnight and she's dressed in a pair of tatty old jeans and a crumpled shirt.

He meets her gaze and guesses she's had just as bad a day as him. For a moment, he thinks she's going to leave, but then she closes the door and walks over to him. She asks about Remus, and he can't help thinking, or is it hoping, that she's only asking as a way to start a conversation. They talk for a bit and he asks about his brother, which for some reason leads to flirting, and despite himself he's surprised because he doesn't usually do that anymore – not since he's been with Rose at any rate.

He turns to look at her in the moonlight and wonders why he finds her so interesting. She is a Slytherin, after all, and he thought he left all that behind when he left home. She looks expectantly at him, and he realises he's staring at her, and hurriedly thinks of something else to say, ending up thanking her for helping him escape from the Death Eaters. She says it's ok, and then he asks what she was doing there, and she grins and refuses to answer, saying she has to get back.

He bids her goodnight and makes a point of ignoring the small voice at the back of his mind that's saying she's making a run for it.

Moony wouldn't be friends with a Death Eater.

_**I'll never let you go**_

_**If you promise not to fade away**_

Sometimes he wonders what he'd do without the Marauders' Map. He gazes listlessly at the smoke curling slowly off his firewhisky and tries not think about Rose.

Three drinks later, he gives up and resigns himself to lamenting the fact that the Three Broomsticks doesn't have a dart board, which means he can't take up Prongs' suggestion that he imagines her face as the target. He never was very good at darts, but he has the feeling he might get the hang of it tonight.

By the fifth drink he's stopped being angry at her, and slips into depression which is the state in which he's found. He looks up sombrely at the person who's just sat down opposite him and finds himself gazing into a pair of blue eyes that aren't Rose's.

He's only half disappointed.

She manages to make him smile at any rate, though when she points this out, the beginnings of a good mood evaporate almost as quickly as the concoction in his mug. She asks what's wrong and he tells her she wouldn't understand but she only laughs, and when he brings up the topic of his family, she grins and says hers is worse.

He looks up at her and vaguely remembers through the alcoholic haze that Remus said a little while ago that she was depressed. They get to talking and he spills everything – about Rose dumping him and how he doesn't think he's ever going to be able to escape the bad connotations of his name and he's surprised to find he feels better for it, because even though she says the same things that Prongs and Moony did earlier, she's_ not_ Prongs or Moony. She's a Slytherin and she's not really a friend and she doesn't _have_ to say them.

She offers him another drink on the condition that it's just for the hell of it, and not because he's upset and he agrees, especially if she's paying, and thinks, as she goes up to the bar, that perhaps it's not going to be that hard to forget about Rose for the night after all.

_**Never fade away**_

As it turns out, Rose does try to get him back, just like _she_ said she would, but he barely even listens. He doesn't want her back and he certainly doesn't need her back. She hurt him and he's not going to let anyone do that again.

He tells her it's over and heads back to his dormitory, leaving James to make sure she leaves, and lies on his bed with the hangings drawn, wondering why he isn't more upset and thinking it might be something to do with the fact that sapphire eyes are much more appealing than pale blue ones.

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

_**Black holes and revelations**_

He's sitting on a cold stone plinth in a damp chamber that he didn't know existed and he's starting to listen the nagging voices that are telling him that something's not quite balanced in that head of hers. She's just told them that the person who bit Remus – Reuben, she says his name is – wants to talk to him and he's a got a week to decide whether he'll go or not.

James asks what happens after the week and the calmness in her voice when she says he won't be around in a week sends a chill down his spine. He looks up at her, but those impossible eyes are focused on James who still hasn't quite caught onto her meaning. He decides to spell it out for his friend, who looks shocked, but it's Remus' reaction that surprises him – he looks sharply at _her_, not him, and Sirius wonders... He asks how she knows Reuben but the glare it earns him makes him wish he hadn't.

He knows Remus wouldn't be friends with a Death Eater, but he also knows he wouldn't abandon a friend either, and Remus has known her since he was five.

_**Far away, this ship is taking me far away**_

Against just about everybody's advice, Remus decides to meet Reuben, which is why Sirius finds himself sitting in a completely white room in the very building from which he only just managed to escape with his life a few weeks before. He talks softly with James after Remus goes to meet Reuben and then _she_ appears, muttering something about stargazers and looking distracted.

She asks after Remus and is not happy to learn that he's already with Reuben, which Sirius finds rather strange since this entire meeting is because of her. She scowls when James points this out and throws herself into a chair, looking put out and Sirius wonders if meeting with half mad creatures of darkness and desperately trying to stay alive is a normal day for her.

James asks if someone hit her and Sirius jumps up to see that he's right; there are five red marks across her left cheek but she won't say who did it and gets angry with him when he tries to guess.

He tries again, but she says to leave it, and something about the way she says it triggers his memory and he wonders why it's taken him so long to realise that the female Death Eater with the familiar voice was her, and trying to ignore the treacherous voice at the back of his mind whispering that denial is a very powerful thing.

She's a Death Eater.

He tries to pretend that he doesn't care, that she's only Remus' friend and that it doesn't matter to him, but he doesn't do a very good job of it. Apparently denial only works when you don't realise you're doing it.

Then Remus comes back, looking rather the worse for wear and he puts thoughts of her out of his mind. There's an unsettling look in his friend's eyes and he wonders what Reuben said to him, but he doesn't have long to dwell on the thought because she sends them back to school and goes to deal with Reuben.

It's only when he's standing in the Entrance Hall with James that he realises Remus didn't come with them.

He hopes he knows what he's doing.

Sometimes he thinks her madness is contagious.

_**Far away from the memories**_

_**Of the people who care if I live or die**_

He's arguing with James over some Quidditch matter when he sees her – or rather James does. There's a girl standing in the corner of the Entrance Hall and even though James is asking her something, he knows it's not her. Firstly because she's got black hair and this girl's is blonde, and secondly because he knows she'd never stand like that – looking nervous and unsure and small.

She looks up when James hails her and the Marauders exchange looks, because that accent is most definitely French. James gets him to ask her if she goes to Beauxbaton, and he does, marvelling that his mother's insistence that he learn French is finally coming in useful for something other than chatting up girls.

It turns out that the girl does attend Beauxbaton, but James still doesn't believe her until Peter's points out that it can't be her, because the real her is standing at the door leading to the dungeons. He looks over at her, frowning, because although he was sure the new girl wasn't her, they do look remarkably similar. She looks up from rummaging in her bag for something when James heckles her and gives him a bemused look, asking when they started being on first name terms.

James asks her about her twin, and she's confused, though confusion turns to distrust when she sees the blonde girl, who appears to know her name. It also appears that she can speak English very well, and he wonders if that's how she knows the name, but then the girl mentions something about an aunt and he finds that strange because he's sure he heard Moony say she was an orphan, and if the girl is saying what she seems to be saying, she must be talking about her mother.

He doesn't have very long to ponder this turn of events however, because a tall man with blond hair is descending the stairs with the headmaster and is telling the girl – Faye – that they have to go.

Dumbledore says they can stay for lunch but the man declines and turns to check his daughter's getting her bags, only to see the wrong cousin. Sirius is actually taken aback by the things he starts saying, or rather, yelling, at her, and next to him, he can see Moony glaring at the man, fists clenched tightly. He wonders whether he'll have to grab his friend to stop him punching the man, although he's not entirely sure he wouldn't rather like to do that himself, considering the poisonous words coming from his mouth, but then the man stops, face red with anger, and Dumbledore steps in, telling him in that calm but forceful voice of his that he will have him escorted from the grounds if he continues.

The man agrees, though probably more because he's run out of insults than any sense of respect, and while they're talking, Moony darts from his side and Sirius looks around just in time to see him vanish through the main door and run out into the grounds. He doesn't need to ask why – she must have disappeared off in that unnerving way of hers the moment Faye's father's back was turned; he can't say he blames her.

Faye steps anxiously up to the headmaster when her father has departed and tells him quietly that the things he said weren't true. She asks him to tell her cousin and he agrees, then leaves, but Sirius knows from things Remus has said that she'll never listen to Dumbledore and before he knows what he's saying, he's told her that she can stay – that she should stay.

He isn't quite sure why he does it – all he knows is that he was brought up by parents that he hated and who now hate him, and if she has a chance to know that her mother does love her, she should get it.

Faye agrees to stay, and he smiles, knowing it makes him look irresistible, and plays the part of the amiable host, offering her lunch and hoping he and James and can keep her from changing her mind until Remus brings her cousin back.

However long that may take.

_**Starlight, I will be chasing a starlight**_

He's sitting at the top the hill in Hogsmeade, gazing in a preoccupied fashion at the Shrieking Shack. It's Valentine's Day and all the other Marauders are out with their girlfriends – even Peter managed to convince a Hufflepuff fifth year to go on a date, and yet he, Sirius Black, who hasn't ever wanted for a girl, is the one sitting here alone on the most romantic day of the year.

And he doesn't mind.

Prongs laughed when he told him that, and Moony gave him a slightly worried look – one that makes him think he's onto him. Because that's the problem – he doesn't mind not having a date today because the only girl he wants is Moony's oldest friend and he's pretty sure that Moony wouldn't like the idea of them getting together. He's pretty sure he'd warn him off her.

Since this afternoon's discovery, he thinks he'd be right to.

He'd always known there was something more to those mysterious blue eyes, but he thought he'd figured them out when he realised she was a Death Eater. It was only this article that had made him realise how wrong he was.

He smiles sourly to himself, remembering the joke James had made back when they'd barely known her, and someone had mentioned she'd changed her surname. _'A Riddle wrapped in an Aenigma'._

He thinks it's not as funny when you find out it's true.

He wonders just how many secrets she's hiding.

Then he wonders if any can be worse than this.

He exhales, running a hand through his glossy hair and leans back against the trunk of the oak tree he's sitting under, thinking about the article he's stolen from the post office.

He should tell the other Marauders about it; they'd want to know.

He will tell them.

But not now. He won't spoil their last Valentine's Day at Hogwarts just because there's a madman out to get him. It's not like his Uncle is about to jump out and kill him right now – he probably doesn't even know he's a blood traitor yet.

Yet.

He looks around at the sound of approaching footsteps and wonders if someone up there is playing a joke on him when he sees who it is, because it's Valentine's Day and staring at him with a hesitating expression on her face is the only girl at Hogwarts he wanted to spend it with.

She seems to be about to leave and he hopes she doesn't, because he might just have to call her back, and then she'd be suspicious, but it seems Fate is smiling on him, because she steps forward, hesitance turning a smirk and mocks him for not having a date.

He tells her he couldn't find anyone who was worth it and she grins, making a sarcastic comment about his taste in women. She jokes that he's just avoiding his fans and he frowns, and looks away, thinking that this is probably the first time that he's been annoyed at having reputation. As much as he hates to admit it, her opinion matters to him – much more than it should considering what he knows about her; it's hardly as if her slate is completely clean.

He changes the topic, asking about her cousin and she inquiries after Remus, and he looks at her, thinking that this is getting to be a bit of a habit – talking about things they have in common in order to start a conversation. He wishes they could just speak to each other normally, but knows that that would make their odd relationship border on friendship and he isn't sure she's ready to admit they are closer than just friends of a friend now.

She says something in exasperation about Remus and the question that's been praying on his mind ever since her cousin's visit made him realise what her father's name must be, suddenly tumbles from his thoughts to his tongue without the intervention of common sense and he wishes for a second that he could take it back, but her guarded reaction convinces him that he's right and suddenly he finds he doesn't want secrets to get in the way of anything. If the main reason she's keeping her distance is because she doesn't want him to find out something he already knows, then he can dispel that myth right now, and if it's not, then he hasn't lost anything and he can go back to lusting after normal girls who don't have eyes that scare the hell out of him.

He talks casually about Tom Riddle and sees her tensing, but he doesn't stop. She won't hurt him – she wouldn't injure one of Remus' best friends, he's sure of that.

Pretty sure.

He pulls the newspaper article out of his robes and hands it to her.

It's worth it just to see her face.

She sits down beside him, although perhaps sinks is the more appropriate word, and asks how he got it and he tells her about the passage out of the school that leads to the Post Office. She gazes at the picture of his Uncle Damian for a moment, then looks directly at him and asks why he's told her.

He tells her the truth – he wanted to see how she'd react.

Then he tell her he knows about her father.

To her credit, she takes it pretty well. As she points out, you can't choose your parents.

Maybe because she hasn't hexed him yet or maybe because he doesn't feel he can rest until he knows for sure, he asks outright if she's a Death Eater.

She asks why he wants to know, and he can't help noticing she's got her fingers wrapped around her wand. They're relaxed at the moment, but he's seen her duel and knows that that doesn't mean anything – she could have him stunned on the ground in under two seconds from that position.

He tells her he wants to know because he can't figure out why Remus is friends with her, which is only partly a lie and she twists it around and accuses him of being evil to Severus. He scowls, not really wanting to bring that particular subject up, even though it's been months since he realised that she knew he nearly got Snape killed because Remus told her, and that her anger with him was on Remus' behalf, not Snape's. Snape's anger at him will last a couple of lifetimes on it's own without any help from her.

He tells her that Snape is an exception because he's a Slytherin and she smirks and points out that she is too. He says with the father she has, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to annoy her, but she only responds that she can fight her own battles. He can believe that, at least.

He mentions Halloween and her stay in the Hospital Wing and is slightly alarmed at how quickly her mood changes. She goes from being amiable to caustic in the time it takes him to say that someone Crucio-ed her and then she gets up to leave but he's not having that. He grabs her wrist but she hexes him and pulls it sharply free, those brilliant eyes fuming.

He stares after her, but he has to try one last time.

He asks if it was his fault.

He doesn't get the reaction he expected. She turns, frowning at him and asks what he means. He explains, and he hopes she won't brush it off because he's been feeling guilty for months now and needs to hear the truth, however damning it might be.

She just looks at him for what seems like an age, then says calmly that he's got a fantastic imagination, which isn't quite an answer, but he feels the guilt disappearing anyway because even if it was that dance that caused everything, he knows she doesn't blame him for it.

They're both quiet for a moment, not needing to say anything more but there's still a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that keeps telling him he's not stupid and making him wonder why it's taken him this long to figure everything out, so he takes a chance and asks her not to wipe his memory of this conversation since he'll only work it out again in the future, not daring to ask whether he's worked it out in the past.

She doesn't move, so he steps closer to her, thinking that he can see a softness in those brilliant eyes and wondering if that's which convinces Moony she's not evil. He says he won't tell anyone and she admits that there're things she's not proud of. Well he can relate to that.

He says he's not like Prongs, which is something he'd never admit to James himself and that he appreciates her looking out for Remus. Then, because if he doesn't do something to break the intense mood, he's in serious danger of saying something he shouldn't or, considered how close they're standing, trying to kiss her, jokes that she's intriguing, even though he's half in earnest.

She takes the out and the conversation resumes it's usual lighter tone; him pretending he's out to get what he can and her taking him down a peg or two. She turns to go, but he's learnt from experience that you should never drop a shield charm around people like her, and is ready when she slings the obliviate charm at him.

She laughs and commends his reflexes, and he says something flirtatious back, and then she says something that really surprises him – far more than finding out she was Remus' friend or that her father is not just a Death Eater after all – she says she'll see what she can do about his Uncle.

When he asks why – not that he's complaining – she says she hasn't worked him out yet, which he takes as a good sign because it means she's not indifferent to him, and then she's leaving, slinging another memory charm his way, which he deflects with ease, thinking she isn't really trying.

With her track record, he can hardly believe she would miss.

_**Until the end of my life**_

He watches her saying goodbye to her friends at Hogsmeade Station and hails her as the train pulls away. She turns, and says she doesn't want to talk to him, but she's half grinning all the same – probably because he's still got bunny ears sprouting from under his black hair, the residue of one of Snape's hexes from the past week; he'll have to thank him for that when he gets back – he's pretty certain she'd be walking away right now if the sight of him hadn't made her laugh.

He tries to seduce her with the offer of a drink but the memory of the last time he did that – to thank her for talking his Uncle out of marching up to Hogwarts and killing him - must be still fresh in her mind because she refuses, turning away. He catches up with her and tries again, thinking that walking her back to school from the station is beginning to become a bit of a habit.

He strikes gold when he mentions Quidditch and grins at her interest because a Quidditch match means one of them will have to lose, and neither of them will be happy with that, which means a rematch will be called for, which means he'll get to spend a lot more time with her this holiday than one drink would have allowed.

And he fully intends to make the most of it.

_**I don't know if it's worth it anymore**_

In the weeks following the Easter holidays he gets increasingly nasty looks from the Slytherins and a number of threats, warning him to keep away from her. He brushes them off, and fields his friends' probing questions until he can get her alone and ask her what's going on.

Unfortunately, that doesn't look as though it's going to happening any time soon, because she never seems to be around and he wonders if she's avoiding him, but an offhand comment from Moony tells him that it's not just him she's not talking to, and he decides she's probably just studying from NEWT's like most people.

Then, the night after they win the Quidditch Cup, he opens the portrait hole and sees her standing there, looking small and broken and in desperate need of a friend, and he knows he's not the one she's after.

He looks over his shoulder and calls out to the sandy haired boy draped over an armchair in the near deserted common room.

"Moony, I think you'd better come here."

_**I'll never let you go**_

He leans back in his chair, watching the grains of sand fall through the hour glass at the front of the hall and yawns lazily. He completed the exam paper ten minutes ago and had finished rechecking it after seven more.

Now he's twirling his quill idly between long fingers, guessing that there's at least another five minutes before the exam's over and realising with a sigh that there's not much time left before school's over as well.

Less than two weeks and they'll all be thrown out into the real world and their main concern will suddenly become trying to stay alive – no more Marauders pranks, no more early morning Quidditch practices and certainly no more illicit nights out with beautiful Death Eaters. Oh he's sure he'll still see her from time to time – she is still friends with Moony, after all, but he's never going to have another excuse to offer her absinthe and see that wicked grin of hers directed back at him in response.

He wonders if it's worth asking her once more as a toast to the relationship they never quite had. He knows she'll probably say no - she's been saying no since Easter, but he's kept on trying. Had kept on trying.

He hasn't asked her since she came to common room in tears that day and disappeared with Moony for half the night. He doesn't know what happened, but the look Moony gave him when he asked did a better job of ensuring he kept away from her than any Slytherin threats ever would have.

Still.

Once more couldn't hurt. And then they'll go their separate ways and he can forget about her.

Professor Sprout's voice announcing the end of the exam jolts him out of his thoughts and he grins, stretching luxuriantly and twisting round in his seat to seek out the rest of the Marauders. He can see them standing up and heading towards the doors and he gets to his feet, pushing through the surge of students to catch up.

He's almost there when someone steps into his path and he stops abruptly so he doesn't knock them over, having half a mind to tell them to watch where they're going, but then he sees who it is and grins.

"How'd it go?" he asks, not quite sure how to interpret the look on her face.

"All right," she says calmly, and then she pauses for a second as though trying to decide how best to phrase her next words, and then her lips twitch into a smile and those fantastic blue eyes flick up to his, filled with mischief worthy of a Marauder. "About that drink..."

_**If you promise not to fade away**_

In fairness, he didn't really think it was going to be that easy.

It takes almost the entire night at Hogsmeade to convince her that it's worth a try and even then he's still not sure she's absolutely convinced. But when the six of them stumble back up to the school that evening, she lets him drape an arm round her shoulders and walk with her as far as the dungeons.

He offers to come with her to her common room, but she declines, saying he'll only get lynched. He points out that if that's the case, he'll probably be lynched anyway when people find out.

He half expects her to say that no one needs to know or ask him to keep it quiet, and he would understand if she did, but it turns out there's still a lot he doesn't know about her, because she only laughs and says if he must get hexed, better to do it when he's sober.

He agrees, grinning, and says goodnight, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek.

Or at least, that was his intention.

It's only when she pulls back, eyes glinting wickedly that he realises she did it deliberately. She grins at his stunned expression and kisses him lightly on the lips once more, before saying goodnight and sauntering off down the dark dungeon corridors.

He stays leaning against the wall for a while, looking thoughtfully after her and thinking that perhaps she _is_ rather sure what she wants now and wondering where on earth she learned to kiss like _that_.

He manages to tear himself out of his reverie when he hears the mutterings of Filch from a nearby corridor, hurriedly ducking down one of the many secret passageways that he's really going to miss knowing about when he leaves, and gets back to his own common room two minutes later.

Moony's waiting for him, sitting on the arm of a chair near the dying embers of the fire and he approaches slowly, not sure what to expect. Even though he knows Moony's never thought of her in anything but a platonic way, the guy's practically her brother and he's not entirely sure that he's happy about the whole thing.

"Well?" Moony asks as Sirius comes to stand in front of him.

"She wants to give it a try," he answers quietly. "If you're ok with it, that is."

"She thinks I won't be?"

"She said you'd never try and tell her not to do something, but yeah, she thought you might not like it."

"Did she say why?"

He frowns. When he thinks about it, he realises that she didn't; he just presumed she'd meant that Remus was a little protective of her. Remus has seen the answer on his face and sighs, saying quietly:

"Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into? She's not your average eighteen year old and there's a lot you don't- What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Remus stops, raising his eyebrows. "What?"

"You're worried about _me_?"

"What, you thought I was concerned for her?" asks Remus, a bemused look on his face. "I've known her for over a decade, Padfoot. She is perfectly capable of looking after herself."

"So when she said you might not like it she meant-" he hesitates, thinking that this still doesn't fit. "What did she mean? Why are you worried about me?"

"Because you don't know her," sighs Remus heavily. "You don't know anything about her apart from the fact that's she in Slytherin and you've been pining over her since October. I'm just not sure you've thought this through and I don't want you getting hurt."

"Is this about her father?" he asks softly and Remus stares at him in surprise.

"Her father?"

"I know who he is, Moony," he says gently. "I worked it out in February, after my Uncle broke out." He sits down opposite his friend, determined to get this sorted out. If Remus' only objection is that he doesn't know anything about her, he can resolve that problem right now. "I know she works for him and I know she'll never join the Order. And I also know she's in really deep because not only did she get to talk with Uncle Damian, she also managed to persuade him not to march down here and kill me." He looks up at Moony and sees that he's stunned but trying not to show it.

"Why?"

"Why did she do it? I don't know – maybe because I was your friend." Remus smiles faintly, head slightly to one side.

"Is that what she said?"

"Well, no, but-"

"What did she say?" He thinks about it and then says slowly:

"I think it was something about working out which box I went in." At Remus' mystified expression he explains their conversation and by the end of it, his expression has changed from confused to thoughtful.

"If she said that, why do you think she talked to your Uncle for my sake? Her talking to Damian didn't have anything to do with anyone but you."

"So she liked me, even back then?" Remus sighs heavily and gives him a tired look.

"She thought you had nice hair but were a complete tosser."

"What?"

"I asked her if she liked you after she let you take her out for a drink," Remus admits, smiling wanly. "And that was what she said." Remus laughs at his hurt look and shakes his head. "Oh come on, Padfoot, Lily's called James much worse."

There's a pause, then Sirius says softly:

"I really like her, Moony."

"I know."

"She's incredible."

"I think the correct term is impossible." Sirius laughs at this and Remus rolls his eyes. "You don't care, do you?" His wicked grin is answer enough and Remus runs a hand through his hair in exasperation. "It's not going to be easy."

"I never expected it to be."

"She might drop you tomorrow. Can you handle that? If she left you with no explanation?"

"I'd still have that kiss."

Remus pulls a face, as though this is far too much information and shakes his head in despair.

"Seriously, Padfoot. I know what she's like – are you sure you want to enter into a relationship that may very well get you killed knowing that one day she might just turn around and say she's had enough?"

"All relationships end, Moony. I'll be happy if it only lasts a month."

"Yes, but what if it lasts longer than that? What will you do if she makes you fall in love with her and then abandons you, because that is a serious possibility."

"I'll deal with it," he says quietly. "If it comes to that then I'll be upset and angry and whatever and then I'll get over it, because I'll know we tried." He looks up at his friend, an earnest look on his face. "If I don't do this, I'll always regret it."

Moony looks back at him silently, brown eyes perfectly calm.

"Well with you two around, things are certainly going to be interesting," he says eventually with a melodramatic sigh. "And I was so looking forward to a quiet life after school."

Sirius grins, eyes gleaming with mischief.

"You're a Marauder, Moony – there's no such thing as a quiet life."

"One can always dream," replies Remus, standing up and stretching. Sirius gets to his feet as well, looking anxiously at him.

"Does this mean you're ok with it?" Remus looks at him seriously.

"Does she make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Then I wish you all the best, and mind you don't let her corrupt you."

"How do I do that?" he asks, falling into step beside his friend as they head towards the boys' staircase. Remus shrugs, meeting his gaze with a wan smile.

"Damned if I know."

_**Never fade away**_

He tries to open his eyes but there's some kind of murky fog clouding his vision and he can't move. He tries to work out what happened but can only remember fragments. He remembers the attack, remembers getting hit and James' yell, remembers a robed figure on the other side of the plaza turning round and running towards him, remembers the sound of the Death Eater who cursed him falling to the ground, and then...nothing.

Until now.

Now he hears voices through the fog in his brain, and relaxes because as long as he's with them he's safe. They won't let anyone hurt him.

_"Do you think it worked?"_

That was James, for sure.

_"Yes."_

And that's her.

_"How can you be so sure?"_

James again; he hopes they're not going to start arguing.

_"Because it has to."_

He frowns inwardly at that; it's not like her to be uncertain about things.

_"And you're not going to say how you found it out?"_

Ah, Remus is there; so that's why they're not arguing.

_"I got it. Isn't that the most important thing?"_

If he could, he'd roll his eyes. She never can help being cryptic.

_"Yes, but he was killed. Dead men tell no tales and all that."_

He thinks for a moment that Remus is talking about him, but then he realises he must be referring to the Death Eater that cursed him, because he's pretty sure he isn't dead. Reasonably sure.

_"They tell _me_."_

If he was awake, he'd tell his friends to drop it because she doesn't sound like she's in a very co-operative mood, but as it is, the beginnings of a fight are disbanded by the arrival of a group of busy sounding men whom he presumes to be Healers.

After a few minutes of examining him, they say something about him making remarkable progress; his friends, he notes, say nothing on the subject and he wonders for the first time what exactly it is that she did, but he doesn't have long to ponder the thought because one of the Healers has given him something that makes him feel drowsier than ever and moments later he's slipping away into darkness.

When he comes to again, the room is quiet, but he knows he's not alone because he can feel someone's hand curled loosely around his own. Slowly, he opens his eyes and stares up at the white ceiling of a ward in Saint Mungo's. The sound of someone standing up makes him turn his head and he sees James's pale face looking worriedly down at him.

"Padfoot?"

"Hey. What happened?" he murmurs, surprised at how weak his voice sounds. He wonders just how long he's been asleep.

"Bellamy hexed you. Can't remember the name of the spell, but it knocked you out and put some sort of lock on your mind so you couldn't wake up. Took us bloody ages to find out how to get rid of it." His hazel eyes flicker to the other side of the bed and Sirius remembers that someone's holding his hand. He looks over and sees her sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair next to his bed, her head resting on the white sheets.

"She must really like you, Padfoot," says James quietly. "She's barely left your side."

Sirius stares at him, hardly daring to believe his ears.

"Who are you?" he says uncertainly. "And what have you done with the real James Potter?" James rolls his eyes, and sighs, collapsing back into his chair.

"Can't I just say something nice about your girlfriend?"

"Prongs, you _hate_ her."

"No I don't – don't give me that look – I don't hate her. I just don't like her very much." He shrugs, running a hand through already messy hair. "But, well, she's stuck by you. She's better than Rose."

Sirius smiles faintly, because at least this is progress and turns back to her, squeezing her hand gently. She stirs in her sleep, and he notices that she looks exhausted. Just how long has he been out?

"About three weeks," she murmurs softly, and he jumps. A lazy smile curls around her lips and she opens those impossibly blue eyes and looks at him.

"I thought I told you to stop reading my thoughts," he chides her gently, trying not to grin. She arches a haughty eyebrow.

"Hey, I was trying to get you to wake up. Do you know how hard it is to get past that barrier of yours?" She yawns and he sees her exchange a look with James that doesn't appear to contain the usual loathing; he wonders just how much he's missed. "We'd better let the others know he's woken up."

"At two in the morning?" asks James, raising his eyebrows.

"They won't care. Remus is a light sleeper and I'm pretty sure rats are nocturnal."

"Very funny," says James tiredly, the customary frown back in place.

"Well he might as well be a rat; he's not much use as a human," she remarks, leaning back in her chair and stretching. Sirius grins to himself and James gives him an odd look.

"Something amusing?"

"No, just glad things are back to normal. You two had me worried for a moment. I thought you'd gone and become friends," he answers lightly. She rolls her eyes and James shakes his head.

"Sometimes I worry for your sanity, mate," he says with a sigh.

"Yeah, maybe that hex did more damage than we'd thought," she agrees, putting on a mock anxious expression.

"That's a point – I'd better go tell the Healers you're awake," says James, getting up. "It's good to have you back, mate."

"Good to be back," he replies, watching his best friend wander off in search of a Healer. "Has it really been three weeks?" he asks as she leans back in her chair, propping her feet up on his bed.

"Twenty two days-" she answers, glancing at her watch. "-and eleven hours." She fixes him with a stern glare. "Don't you dare do that again; you scared us half to death."

"Wasn't my fault," he objects, propping himself up so he can see her better.

"He'd already taken down five men – did that not ring any alarm bells?" she asks, frowning at him. "Honestly Sirius, for a smart guy sometimes you can be incredibly stupid."

"Well I stopped him, didn't I?" She gives him an odd look.

"No you didn't."

"If I hadn't gone for him, you wouldn't have killed him to protect me." He's treated to another strange look for this comment and she shakes her head.

"Sirius, I didn't kill him."

"You didn't?"

"No, if I'd have got there first, I would've found out what he hexed you with before killing him. Him being dead didn't help us much." He frowns at this, and wonders again how exactly she did find out which spell it was.

"If you didn't kill him, who did?" he asks curiously. Like she said, the man had taken down five men in as many minutes and was pretty sure any other Order members would have taken the same line as her and forced the man to tell them what he'd done first.

"Don't know," she says, looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "Been wondering that myself."

"You didn't see?" She glances over at him, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"I was more concerned with the fact that you were lying in a heap on the floor."

"So you've got no idea?" She doesn't say anything for a moment, which makes him think she's trying to decide how best to phrase her words, then says slowly:

"I know it was a DE. Don't know who though."

"I thought you could tell who people were even with the masks on," he says, frowning deeply.

"I can, but like I said, I didn't see who it was. I just know it was a DE because they used dark magic on Bellamy. Rather nasty hex, actually; almost reminiscent of-" She stops, shutting her mouth sharply and he wonders who she was thinking of. She shakes her head then smiles brightly at him. "But no, I don't know who it was. Don't much care, either, I'm just glad you're safe. Not entirely sure what I would have done if you hadn't woken up."

"Ah, so you do love me really," he jokes, treating her to one of his most charming smiles.

"Yeah, more the fool me," she sighs, fiddling with the sapphire studded ring on her finger. He stares at her and she glances over at him. "What?"

"You love me?"

"What? You think I'd still be with you if I didn't?" she asks, looking slightly bemused.

"You really love me?"

"Well I don't make a habit of going to the underworld for just anyone."

"Underworld?" She looks solemnly at him.

"How else d'you think I found out which hex Bellamy used?"

"But how-?"

"There's this place at work where you can communicate with dead," she says, as though it's no big deal. "You're not really meant to use it, but if we didn't do anything you were going to end up there anyway, and they _really_ wouldn't like me pulling you out once you'd crossed over. I'm in enough trouble as it is."

"Trouble?"

"When she said they're 'not meant' to use it, what she actually meant to say was that they're forbidden from using it under any circumstances," says a different voice, and he glances up to see James standing at the end of his bed, looking down at her with an odd expression. She just shrugs, toying with her necklace now.

"I didn't do any harm. Gerry wouldn't sack me anyway, I'm too good."

"You wish."

"I know."

James shakes his head at her defiant expression and turns back to Sirius.

"The Healers are on their way. There was an attack on the French Embassy earlier and they've been rushed off their feet." Sirius nods, then a thought occurs to him and he says suddenly:

"If you've stayed with me for three weeks, does that mean you haven't gone to any meetings?" She pauses mid yawn to look at him, then pulls a face.

"You were more important."

"Has he noticed?" She laughs mirthlessly.

"Probably."

"And what are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him?" she asks, arching an eyebrow. "I'm not going to tell him anything. He can rage all he wants, I don't care."

"But-"

"It's my life, Sirius. I can do what I want, and I wanted to stay here with you. I'll deal with Tom when I want to and not a second sooner."

"What if he comes looking for you?"

"He won't," she shrugs. "He's far too busy and I can handle any scouts he sends." She smiles wanly at him. "I think he already knows he's lost me. He won't do anything that will make me turn traitor. Now you just concentrate on getting better."

He nods vaguely, unconvinced, but understanding. She's tried so hard to stop her two worlds colliding and talking about it won't change anything. He closes his eyes, amazed at the fact that he's still tired after three weeks of comatose, and hopes that he'll the Healers will let him out before she has to go and meet Tom again.

At least then he'll be able to look after her when she returns.

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

"Marry me."

He isn't entirely sure why he says it – he certainly wasn't planning it, but it just slipped out and to be honest he's not sorry it did. The look on her face, however, is making him think that perhaps now wasn't the best time.

"What?" she asks, looking at him as though he's the one who's crazy.

"I said marry me," he repeats softly, gazing calmly at her.

"Have you gone completely insane?" she asks incredulously, the damp flannel she was using to wash the blood off her face lying forgotten in her hand.

"You said you loved me, I love you, so marry me." She stares at him, the disbelief in her expression slowly fading as she realises he's being serious.

"I can't," she says quietly, and he thinks he sees a touch of sadness in those brilliant eyes.

"Why not? I thought you didn't care what other people thought?" he asks, a slight challenge in his voice.

"I don't, but-"

"But what?"

"But Tom'll kill you. And then he'll come and kill me," she laughs, though he can't detect much humour in it. "But no, what am I thinking? He doesn't care that much – he'll probably send Trix or someone to do it for him. I shouldn't think I'm important enough for him to do it himself."

"He'll kill us anyway," he shrugs, looking down at his hand and flexing the fingers gingerly, then wincing. In hindsight, it probably hadn't been a good idea to try and grab Malfoy just before he disapparated; he's lucky Moony pulled him back before he splinched himself.

He glances up at her, leaning there against the sink, torn robes wet with blood, most of which isn't hers, and wonders if he is crazy after all because he does love her, so very much, and he _knows_ they're not good for each other. He knows he makes her reckless and they both know that she's a bad influence on him, but he can't help it. He doesn't think she can either.

Moony was right – it hasn't been easy. Their relationship's been stormy to say the least and he doesn't think they've managed to get through a single fortnight without at least one argument, but it doesn't matter, because these are the moments he lives for. The calm after the storm when they're alone and tired and the fire in her eyes has died down and they're both at peace. These are the times when he knows he can't give her up, even though he should, for both their sakes.

She moves and he glances up to see her crouch down in front of him, her long fingers gently catching hold of his wrist and winding a support bandage around it.

"Don't say things like that," she whispers, not meeting his gaze.

"That we'll die? Why? You know it's true." She ties the bandage off and looks up at him.

"I'm not going down without a fight and neither are you." He grabs her arm with his good hand as she makes to stand up and frowns at her.

"And if that fight's tomorrow? Gideon and Fabian died today and they were _good_ at fighting. Benjy Fenwick snuffed it a couple of months ago and Caradoc Dearborn hasn't been seen for weeks. We're all going to die – that's why we've got to make the most of now." She sighs heavily, but she's stopped pulling away from him at least.

"Do you remember what you said to me when we first got together?" she asks quietly, one eyebrow half raised. "'It's not like I'm asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you to be my girlfriend,'" she quotes, gazing serenely at him. He pulls a face; he should have known those words would come back to haunt him.

"A lot's changed since then."

"Not that much. Getting engaged to me will still put a severe dent your life expectancy."

"Maybe," he concedes, letting the hand on her arm slip down so that he can lock his fingers with hers. "But it'd be a happier life."

"You'd be signing your own death warrant."

"You're worth it."

"No I'm not."

"You've been listening to your father too much."

"I never listen to my father," she sighs, looking tiredly down at him. His lips curve into a smile.

"And he'd object to you marrying me?" he asks, putting on his best thoughtful face. She frowns at him for a second, confused, then rolls her eyes.

"Very funny." He laughs as she sits down on the arm of his chair, and hooks an arm around her waist, pulling her into his lap.

"Just one of my many excellent qualities."

"Hmm," she murmurs, leaning her head against his chest. He strokes her hair, wondering if he should let the matter drop, then frowns.

"What was that?" he asks, pulling back to look at her. She smiles faintly and he thinks that she didn't expect him to hear her.

"Just something my Mum used to say."

"In Latin?"

"We were a very educated family," she grins. "Just because I failed miserably at magic for my first four and half years at Hogwarts doesn't mean I was rubbish at my old muggle school."

"So what was the phrase?"

"Ubi bene, ibi domum," she says, smiling softly.

"What does it mean?" he asks, trying to translate it in his head and failing; it's been so long since he's studied Latin, since he's studied any of the subjects his mother encouraged him to take up, in fact.

"It means I'm an idiot," she sighs, shaking her head.

"Now I may be rusty on my Latin, but I do remember the word for idiot is excors, and you didn't say that," he says cheerfully and she rolls her eyes again.

"You would know that."

"'Course I would, now come on, tell me what it means," he presses, curious now. She smiles, reaching out a hand to tuck a strand of loose hair back behind his ear.

"'Where you are happy, there is your home'," she translates softly, tracing one finger down his cheek. "And it means yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes you'll marry me?" he asks, hardly daring to believe his ears.

"Yes I'll marry you," she laughs, kissing him lightly on the lips. "And to hell with Tom."

He grins, trying to remember if he's ever been happier than he is at this moment.

"You do realise James is going to go mental when he finds out, don't you?" she asks, grinning back.

"He'll get over it," he murmurs, leaning forward to kiss her again.

"And if he doesn't?" she asks, her face just inches from his. He gazes into those impossibly blue eyes and shrugs.

"Then we'll just have to ask Moony to be best man instead."

_**Black holes and revelations **_

He opens the door to the balcony and steps out into the mild October air, the last trace of an unusually warm summer. She's leaning against the railings, gazing up at the starlit sky and he wonders if she knows the constellations – she probably does – she probably paid attention in Astronomy, rather than spending her time trying to chat up other class members.

"You ok?" he asks softly, coming to stand beside her. She turns her head and smiles at him.

"'Course. Did Frank and Alice get off all right?"

"Yeah, halfway to Paris for two weeks of uninterrupted honeymooning as we speak," he grins. "Sounds good, doesn't it?"

"The honeymoon or two weeks of freedom?"

"Both." She laughs, leaning her head against his shoulder and he wraps an arm around her waist. "You sure you're ok? I saw you talking to James earlier."

"Yeah?"

"You weren't arguing."

"We are both adults, Sirius."

"Yeah, but you weren't arguing." She twists her head to look up at him, a mild expression on her face.

"We can argue if you want."

"That's not what I meant. Look, you know if something was wrong you could tell me, right?" he says, studying her face carefully.

"I know," she answers softly, kissing him lightly on the lips. She smiles, though he can't help but think there's something a little sad about it. "I love you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"If you love me so much..."

"Yes?"

"Where's my star?" She looks blankly at him for a second, then shakes her head.

"Your star? You mean the Dog star?" He grins and she rolls her eyes, leaning back against him. "You can't see it from here."

"You can't?"

"Not for a couple more weeks," she sighs, burying her head in his shoulder.

"Ah, so that's why I can never find it," he says sagely, wrapping both arms around her and resting his chin on her head.

"No, you can't find it because you're useless at Astronomy," she says, her voice muffled. "Look for it on the 25th. It should be visible by then."

"Where?" She pulls back a little to survey the night sky then points.

"There. By the end of November you should be able to see Regulus, too." She traces a line with her finger and smiles faintly. "Right _there_, in the Leo constellation. Not quite as bright as Sirius, of course, but rather smart all the same." She sighs and slips her arms around him once more and he smiles and breathes in her scent, cool perfume and that slight, indefinable tang that he's learnt to associate with magic, and thinks that he could stay like this forever.

"Padfoot?" He looks up at the voice and sees James standing by the door to the balcony, expression unusually grim.

"What is it?" he asks, frowning. He feels her shift in his arms and a moment later she too is watching James anxiously.

"There's some people from the Ministry downstairs," says James quietly, hazel eyes dark with sorrow. "It's Regulus."

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

"Sirius, if you don't let me in I'll knock the door down. Sirius? Come on Padfoot, open up."

He hears James ram the door with his shoulder and smiles sourly, taking another swig of Ogden's finest. He won't be getting through that door for a while; he's used some of _her_ wards on it and much as he hates her right now, he knows they're good. Good enough to keep out well meaning friends at any rate.

His gaze falls on the latest edition of the Daily Prophet and he sees her sullen glare staring up at him, those fantastic eyes hidden behind black ink and shadows and wonders how he ever thought she could be anything other than a cold hearted murderer.

"Padfoot, please. Just open the door – let me know you're still alive in there. Padfoot?"

He picks up the article, words jumping out at him in the firelight.

_... finally caught by Alastor Moody, the esteemed Auror after the attempted murder of Lily and James Potter of Godric's Hollow...sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban..._

He smiles without mirth and tosses the paper into the fire. Life imprisonment. Well it's no more than what she deserves. At least no one picked up on the fact she was wearing an engagement ring, else he's sure his face would be all over the papers too with a headline reading _World's Biggest Fool_.

Moony did warn him, said she might abandon him, but he never expected this. Even _Moony_ hadn't expected this and he knew her better than anyone.

He frowns, because there's silence from outside and casts a suspicious look at the door; it's not like James to give up that easily.

And then he hears it – music – a song.

Her song.

He curses James in his head and reaches for the firewhiskey again, thinking alcohol will be able to drown out the sweet melody floating in through the locked door. He's not giving in just because of a stupid song.

But whiskey can't block out the lyrics and even when he stuffs a pillow over his head it doesn't do any good because his best friend knows him better than that and must have charmed the music so it can't be silenced. He growls, because he's the one that told James the best way to smoke someone out is to irritate them to the brink of delirium and gazes blearily at the brown liquid in his glass as the words of the song filter into his head.

_...no angel born in hell  
Could break that Satan's spell.  
And as the flames climbed high into the night  
To light the sacrificial rite,  
I saw Satan laughing with delight  
The day the music died...  
_

He scowls at the fire and drains his glass, thinking that maybe she had the right idea when she tried to kill James, and then feels guilty because even though his best friend is being incredibly annoying right now he doesn't want him dead, he just wants things back the way they were a few weeks ago, before his brother was murdered and his fiancée tried to assassinate his best friend.

He goes to pour another glass of whiskey but the bottle's empty. He looks at it for a moment, thinking that he only bought it this morning, then sets it back down on the table again before going to raid the drinks cabinet.

It's empty too, save for one slim green bottle and he wonders just how much he's drunk over the past few days because he's sure it's always well stocked. He picks up the one remaining bottle and stares at it for a long moment, James' charmed song still singing in his ears.

…_I met a girl who sang the blues  
And I asked her for some happy news,  
But she just smiled and turned away…  
_

Absinthe.

Her favourite.

He smiles grimly and smashes it on the floor because he's damned if he's going to have any of her things cluttering up his apartment anymore.

He never wants to see her again but that's all right because he very probably never will and it should only take a couple more bottles of whiskey to make himself believe that he's ok with that.

He sighs, leaning against the wall and looking dully at the broken glass. In hindsight, smashing it probably wasn't the best thing to do, because now the room stinks to high heaven of alcohol and it's all he can do not to think of her and what she'd say if she ever found out he'd thrown away an entire bottle of absinthe.

..._and in the streets: the children screamed,  
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.  
But not a word was spoken;  
The church bells all were broken…_

Slowly he peels himself off the wall and stumbles over to the door, fumbling with the lock and wondering vaguely why he can see more than one. He looks out into the dark night and sees James sitting hunched on the doorstep, legs tucked up under his chin with the air of one who will wait all night if he has to.

"Stop it," he says quietly and James waves his wand without any argument, and silence reigns once more.

"You look awful, mate."

"Thanks."

"Look you shouldn't beat yourself up over-"

"She tried to kill you, Prongs. It's me who should be apologising. You were right – I never should have trusted her."

"No-"

"_Yes_. I'm sorry I didn't listen." He sighs and sits wearily down on the step beside his friend. "You get the right to veto any future fiancées from now on, ok? I place myself wholly in your hands."

"Right," says James weakly, and he thinks he doesn't look very happy about something but he's in no fit state to be helping with other people's problems. He searches for something to say and his thoughts fall on Remus.

"How's Moony doing?"

"Badly. I left him with Faye."

"Right." The good cousin.

"She did love you, Padfoot."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I-" James hesitates, and then sighs, and Sirius wonders what he'd been about to say. "I don't know."

"Got any whiskey?" James shakes his head. "Fat lot of use you are."

"I think you've had enough anyway."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"You can't go on like this."

"Watch me." 

"She wouldn't want you to-"

"I don't give a damn what she'd want," he says quietly, voice trembling with anger.

"But-"

"She betrayed me, James," he yells, glaring at his friend. "I loved her and she threw it all back in my face. For Godric's sake, she tried to kill you and you're sitting here sticking up for her. What the hell do you think you're playing at? You never cared about what she thought when she was with me and now she's rotting away in some cell in Azkaban suddenly she's your favourite person."

James looks at him, hazel eyes filled with something like pity and says very quietly:

"She didn't."

"Didn't what?" he snaps, scowling.

"She didn't kill me."

"Yeah but only because…because…" He frowns, trying to remember the reason, then frowning deeper because he realises there isn't one. Why didn't she kill him? So she hit her partner by mistake, so what? She could have got at least one of them before they escaped, but she didn't. Why on earth didn't she kill them?

He looks up at James, confusion clear on his face and his oldest friend sighs, running a hand through already messy hair.

"She's going to kill me for telling you this if she ever gets out," he says, then pulls a face. "Sorry, wrong metaphor. She's not going to be very happy with me if she finds out I've told you this," he amends, sighing deeply.

"James, she's in Azkaban – she's not going anywhere and what the hell are you on about?" James looks at him, and he can see he's still deliberating the matter in his head. "James?"

James shifts on the cold step, leaning his head back against the wall.

"If I tell you, you've got to swear not to tell Remus. He wouldn't understand, hell, I'm not even sure you'll understand but I can't just sit back and watch you do this to yourself without saying something."

"Prongs, what's going on?"

James exhales, his breath clouding in the cold night air and tells him everything. About her coming to his house after her father told her what he wanted her to do, about her idea to get sent to Azkaban to get out of fulfilling it and about her making him swear he'd never breathe a word of it to anyone. When he finishes, there's silence between them.

"So she does love you, see? She went to Azkaban for you," says James gently, watching him anxiously. Sirius makes a derisive noise.

"She went to Azkaban for herself."

"If she didn't love you, she would have killed me and Lily and thought nothing of it. It was either Azkaban or death and can you honestly blame her for not wanting to die?"

"I can blame her for not telling me what she was up to."

"She thought you'd try and talk her out of it."

"Damn right I would. It was a stupid idea."

"Maybe," agrees James, pulling his cloak a little tighter around himself. "But it was the only one she had." There's a pause, then he asks quietly: "Was I right to tell you?"

Sirius shrugs, thinking the information still hasn't quite sunk in.

"Ask me again in a week or two."

"Well if you still want to be around in a week or two, you're going to have to get some sleep and stop drinking yourself stupid."

"Right."

"I mean it. You're not being a very good role model behaving like this, you know, Sirius."

Sirius stares at him, starting to doubt his friend's sobriety. He could have sworn he just used 'Sirius' and 'role model' in the same sentence.

"Prongs, why on earth would I want to be a role model?"

"Well what kind of dad would I be if I asked a depressed alcoholic to be my child's godfather?"

Sirius stares at him, then grins for the first time in what feels like weeks.

"Lily's pregnant?" he asks and James nods, grinning back. "And you came here to sort me out instead of shouting it from the rooftops or something?" 

"I figured you needed a friend," shrugs James, studying him with dark hazel eyes. "Are you going to be ok?"

Sirius sighs, looking up at the sky to avoid his friend's gaze and thinks about it. The night's a clear one and he can see the stars, shining calmly without a care in the world. He still can't spot his but he remembers what she said about Regulus and picks out Leo, thinking of the sketch she drew for him later that fateful night, when discovered his brother's fate, and the star she'd ringed as his brother's.

Reg is finally at peace. Maybe he can be too.

Next to him, James is still waiting. He looks at him and manages to conjure up a small smile.

"I'll be all right. Just need a bit of time, that's all. Tempus omnia vulnera sunat, right?"

James looks blankly at him.

"Not all of us were brought up with your classical education, Padfoot."

"My mother didn't teach me that one," he says quietly, not looking at James. "Time heals all wounds."

He smiles wryly and looks up at the sky again, catching sight of Orion's distinctive outline, and thinks about the promise she made him. He wonders how she's going to fulfil it now, because for some reason he still believes she will.

Maybe he is mad, after all, but he's sure there's more to this imprisonment than the explanation she gave James - there has to be - but he's damned if he can work it out. Maybe Moony could, but he can't tell him – she was right to tell James to keep quiet in that respect at least. Moony wouldn't understand.

He closes his eyes, the image of Orion the hunter burning on his eyelids and her voice ringing in his ears.

_'See this one here, on his left shoulder, this star's Bellatrix. And this one, this is part of the constellation Eridanus, that's this river in Hades, and this is me, because it's called Cursa and that's what I'm going to be to Trix and anyone else who comes near you or any of us again...'_

He opens his eyes again and looks up at that one star, and thinks he'll always remember where it is, just like he'll always remember her, because no matter how this turns out he knows that she loved him, and that he loved her, and no one can ever take that away from them.

_**Black holes and revelations**_

He can hear someone yelling about something but the thick stone walls are making everything echo too much to make out the words and he's not entirely sure he'd want to hear them anyway; there are too many screams in his head already.

There's crash, and he wonders if it's full moon, because none of the other inmates he's seen have enough strength left to make that kind of racket, but he abandons this particular musing because it only makes him think of Moony and how he must be feeling now. Three friends dead and two in Azkaban; that's what Moony must think at least. If Sirius had had his way, it would have been true, though he could have done without being in Azkaban.

He buries his head in his hands and tries to blot out the muffled moans from other cells and the yells of the guards. He doesn't know what's going on, but that's ok because he doesn't care. Nothing matters anymore. Not since James died. Not since Peter got away.

He only hopes Dumbledore keeps Harry safe.

He shifts uneasily in his only half lucid state and tries to shake off the feeling that someone's watching him.

Then he hears the guards' footsteps and looks up through the strong iron bars of his cell and into a pair of impossibly blue eyes.

Her hair is tangled and her face is dirty but it's her, and she's staring at him as though she can't quite believe her own eyes. She opens her lips slightly, as thought to say something, but closes them again, eyes brimming with tears.

He doesn't say anything either; he doesn't need to.

There's yell, but she doesn't look away even though it's clear the guards have caught up with her. He wonders how she escaped from her cell in the first place.

"Come on, we don't want any trouble now, do we?" says a man's gravely tones and Sirius sees the guard approach her. The man glances at him and then back at her, understanding appearing to dawn on his face. "Ah, come to see your master's most loyal, have you? Want to hear it from him that He's really gone?"

Sirius sees her eyebrows crease into a frown, and she turns her head to look at the man.

"What? You didn't know He was gone?"

"Voldemort can't die," she says, voice barely above a whisper. "And Bellatrix is his most loyal follower."

"You don't know the half of it," says the man, and Sirius wonders why he hasn't hexed her yet, then he sees the wand in her hand and understands. There's very few people he knows who can duel faster than her and the rumours that were going around before she was arrested have only thrived since she's been away.

He gets now why she always said her reputation was important; it's what's kept her alive. There were probably plenty of Aurors who could have caught her, but Moody was the only one who didn't listen to the rumours that made her out to be invincible. She's not invincible; she's just very good.

There are more footsteps now and a wave of icy cold that tells him a Dementor has turned up. He sees her tense, but she still stands firm, glaring in the direction of the icy chill.

"You're going to regret employing them," she says quietly, and he has to concentrate very hard to hear her because his ears are ringing with screams and James' cold face is staring up at him with lifeless brown eyes-

He jolts violently as someone touches him and looks up to see her crouched down in front of him. He wonders how she got into his cell, but then he remember the wand and sees the guards standing at the open cell door, wands raised. The only reason they haven't hexed her yet is because she's generating shield charm but it'll only keep them at bay for a little while longer.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "For everything."

He manages a frail smile, holding onto her hand like a lifeline, his heart aching. She did what she thought was best, he can't blame her for that. When it comes down to it, he can't blame her for anything.

"I love you," he says softly, wincing at the soreness of his throat. She smiles, tears lingering in her bright eyes and as the shield charm fails she slips something into his hand and kisses him on the forehead.

Then the guards are leading her away and slamming his door shut again, immersing him in darkness once more. He sits still for a long time, his fingers clasped around the small object in his hand and eyes shut to try and stop the tears that he knows are spilling down his face.

The cold light of dawn is seeping into his cell before he musters the strength of mind to open his hand look down at the small circlet of metal lying there.

She gave him her ring.

He stares at it, turning it so the tiny sapphires embedded in the silver band catch the light and gleam up at him, the exact same colour of her eyes.

And even though he can still feel the presence of Dementors gliding past, and the low conversation of guards and the muffled whimpers from the other prisoners, things seem different somehow. He's innocent and there's someone who believes him.

Maybe that's all he needs.

He looks out through the bars of his cell at the grey sky high above and makes a promise to himself.

He'll get out here one day and when he does, Peter is going to pay.

_**Hold you in my arms**_

The shouts and whine of spells around him are dying, but he doesn't pay them much attention; his only concern is Bellatrix. He can see his own hatred of her reflected back at him in her dark eyes and grins, taunting her as another stunning spell misses him by inches.

She's practically snarling now, raising her wand to strike again and he laughs, feeling the thrill of being free at last. He's been cooped up in that old house for too long with only dark memories and Kreacher for company – this is what he lives for – this is what makes him feel alive again.

Bellatrix tosses her black hair over one shoulder, and all of sudden he is forcefully reminded of _her_, throwing her head back just like that and throwing James a disparaging look, or rolling her sapphire bright eyes and telling him to grow up.

Well he has grown up now, though he supposes she'd argue otherwise; Moony always does.

He wishes now that he hadn't left her ring in Azkaban, buried in the earth outside her bricked up cell. He'd thought it would help put her memory to rest.

He was wrong.

He's still as obsessed with her as he ever was; her being dead won't change that. She still haunts his dreams sometimes and he could have sworn he saw her standing outside Grimmauld Place once, gazing up at the house with a pensive expression on her face but when he'd opened the door the street was empty. Just another dream.

And now Bellatrix is slinging another stunning spell at him and he's laughing because he can keep this up all day, but somehow he doesn't manage to cast the shield charm in time and then he's flying backwards, falling through the air and he can see his cousin's laughing face, and then there's a ripple of cold and darkness and he knows no more.

_**I just wanted to hold you in my arms**_


End file.
